Thats When I Look to You

(This post is dedicated to my inspiration, Jesus Christ and my Heavenly Father)
Lets get right to the point, despite the way I may come off to people, I am not as self-sonfident as people think. OK, I dont think that was the point but its what I want to begin with; I often find myself doubting my abilitys or my physical appearence or even my faith. I give my everything to all that I attempt but it doesnt always go as planned. Sometimes I have to lose.

My faith tends to shake but it never breaks. I am constantly telling myself to never give up. Reminders like "People starving in African countries dont complain" or the ever popular "you can do this!" are some phrases that keep me going. I like to find inspiration, I LOVE the idea of helping and service and putting others before myself. Its the least I could do.

Whenever I find my self doubting or heading into trouble I pray. I LOOK TO GOD. I know He is always there for me and when I make a mistake I know the way to regain the trust and Spirit is to give service for "...when ye are in the service of your fellow men ye are only in the service of your God.."

I try to look to those people who are good examples to me, to the people who love me, to the ones who inspire me. Whether they are friends, family, a celebrity. or even a stranger, I want to be a better me. But I cant do it alone, I need the help of my Savior and my God. That is why when I feel like giving up or spiraling down I look at You and I find all the reasons to keep going.

Childs Play.

(I need to get this blogging thing down, as in keeping up with it!!)
Last night I babysat for s sister in my ward. It was one of those jobs where you always learn something new that is one of the greatest life lessons ever. I learned the serious importance of being kind to everyone, especially family.

Well let me tell you some background info first. The family consisted of four girls (one of whom became an angel at a very young age) and the youngest, one beautiful baby boy. The girls were the only ones awake when I arrived and we played in the front yard for the majority of the time. We were playing and running around with the wagon up and down the driveway. It was a complete blast, the girls all got along and laughed. This was my first epiphany of the great knowledge, these little girls got along the whole time, they never fought or said one mean thing. I tried to remember a time when I allowed myself to be as sweet and humble as a child, it was hard.

] The second realization came when one of the girls, the oldest, got a splinter in the palm of her hand. She was in a lot of pain from it and her little sisters were there to comfort her the second we began pulling it out. It was a little thing but they cared sooo much that she was okay. I wanted even more to have child-like perfection.

The biggest and most heart touching moment all night was when it came time to go to bed. They all piled in to the same room but this is were the arguing began. The oldest and the youngest were fighting so the oldest left to go to a different room. I let her have her time to cool down while I put the middle and youngest asleep. Then I went to visit Sabrina. She was curled into a little ball and was singing a primary song. Our conversation brought me to tears but it was one of the strongest moments ive ever had. It went as follows:

Me: "Sabrina, Are you okay dear?"

Sabrina: "Lauren is just being SO dumb. She never learns to be nice!"

Me: "Well shes only three years old, she doesnt know any better. She loves you though, so if you nicely tell her to stop singing so you can sleep she will most likely stop"

Sabrina: "She will never stop! She always does this!"

Me: " I promise you that if you be the good example she will follow you. I know its the hardest thing ever to be the oldest sister but think of how amazing you are at it. Sabrina you make me so proud everytime I come over, you want to keep that up dont you?"

Sabrina: "yes..." *shyly looks away because lauren walks in to change her shirt*
"lauren I am sorry I called you dumb." *They hugged and I tucked them both back in

This little convo made me humble myself enough to realize that I should be taking my own advice. It IS very hard to be the oldest, but I know theres a reason I was born first, its because He knew I can handle this.

The final thing I said to them was " Sweet dreams my angel sisters." They looked at me with the most precious faces and said "Camille is our angel and She will give us the good dreams." they smiled and instantly fell asleep. I just stood there in the dark tearing up at the fact that these young beautys could be so bonded over one of there sisters, I decided I should carry there angelic peace with me from now on. Their simple childs play spoke to my heart in ways bigger than any adult ever could. And I am so grateful.

Updates from Headquarters!

Its been a crazy couple of weeks and I am sorry I havent posted. I have had soooo much to do with dance, student council, and just regular old school work. BUT I caouldnt ask for more. I have been busy, busy, busy and I love it. It keeps me focused on those things I should be focused on and less distracted by the awful things in life. Well since my last post a lot has occurred. I ran for sophomore class vice president and won! I made it into a summer intensive camp with the Kwak Ballet Studio, and Next week is tryout week for dance team at school, varsity here I come... hope fully (:

Now emotionaly Id say I am doing sooo much better than ever before. I think I need to work on keeping my thoughts inside my head and not being pushy with people but other than that I feel great! Well the updates today arent too exciting but in all this March Madness (go Rebels!!) I am glad I dont have much to stress about.

Self-Evaluation Day

Today is Self-Evaluation Day. On the 25th of every month I have a self evaluation where I dont talk to people and I contemplate my life. At the end of the day I fill out a self-eval form and set goals for what I need to improve myself on for the next month. I also try to write down things that I have improved on and things I am proud of, I mean, everyone needs some time to focus one themselves right?

This months focus is on being like "girl #3". Girl 3 is the type of daughter/friend/sister everyone should want to be. She is nice, fun, develops her talents, gets good grades, and is a perfect role model. She always thinks good thoughts and does not linger with boys in any way that would provoke sexual contact. In other words shes more friends with boys than flirting with them. I want to be like that. Girl 3 also is an exceptional student and puts all her effort into everything she does. She is talented, intelligent, outgoing, outrageously kind, and strives for perfection.

As another part of self-eval day I try to clear away all the stressors and reorganize my brain. I "threw away" all the bad thoughts, all the pointless,unfocused thoughts and all the distracting thoughts. March is going to be stressful so I need to focus on school and dance, and let nothing blindside me.

(This weekend my family is going to Disneyland and so Ill post pictures of the family event (:! )