Sometimes I feel like I deserve to go to hell. I'll say something or do something that makes me so miserable I feel the only way for me to be punished is to go to hell. I know everyone makes mistakes but some mistakes are harder to quit or even own up to. If you had told me half the things this year has brought I would have been thrilled and so excited to begin embarking these new adventures, but if you had told me the other half, the rotten, sin-seeking half, I would have ran away. I've found myself wishing that I could give up things I love just to be able to save myself from the mistakes and guilty pain that comes from those sins.
I dont understand either how I can be surrounded in a sea of good people and be completely lured in by the power to do good yet I turn around and plunge head first into a complete and utter mess of a life.
In the picture below I feel as though I am living in the middle of these two worlds, when my better half decides to be good I follow but when the devil holds my hand I find myself not wanting to let go.
The lure of both is so strong and I truly do want to make it to Heaven but unless I am sent an angel in disguise I'll continue to camp on the border. For I cant do this alone. Help me..
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