In life I think we are often surprised to find ourselves faced with certain struggles or even be suspicious when our life is amazing as if we are always waiting for our one "big" trial in life. I am feeling those things lately. Especially as the people around me and people I love are experiencing their own "big" life trial I keep waiting for mine to hit.
Today I learned that a little ten yr. old boy who just lost his mother to cancer walked in on his father dead. His father already had many complications. At first I felt doubt as though it wasn't real and then came anger and confusion.I still am in the anger and confusion stage, I just can't believe that our Father in heaven would do something like that to a little boy. I want to believe that it's fir his own good and that he will become stronger but that is just so hard. This also makes me appreciate the fact that I have two parents who are healthy and safe and love me more than anything. I just. Find myself wanting to be perfect so that I can be strong when my big trial comes. With problems like that little boys I have no reason to ever do anything wrong or complain. I guess everything in my life I am questioning right now. And the fact that I am doubting and confused seems so unbelievable.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
Long Talks
Every once in a while I get this feeling, this knawing and craving feeling to have a long talk with someone I love. The talk can be about anything, I just want to be able to laugh and smile and ache and cry in one huge conversation. I think this is because my love language is words of affirmation so I feel the need for someone to hold me and tell me how much they love me and that they think I'm beautiful. The only thing is there are very few people I actually and care to affirm me. Don't get me wrong, I love compliments and positive uplifts but when it comes my fragile little heart I favor certain people. In fact everytime I feel lonely and in a need of a good chat it's a different person my heart needs to connect to.
That is one thing I do love about us as humans. The ability we have to connect so strongly to another person. It's such a comfort to know that when I am feeling down the people who I share my heart with feel for me and are able to lift me up. I often think of a story I heard about a man with a perfect heart.
He was bragging about how he had the most beautiful heart ever. When an old man just looked at him and statesd that he himself had the perfect heart because it was cut and stitched and had huge craters yet all those scars were bits and peices of all the people whom he's ever served and loved hearts. He explains how where a new peice is stiched in is where someone gave him a peice of their heart in trade for his. The craters are where he gave away his heart but was the gesture was not returned. The young man had tears in his eyes as he reached in and gave a price of his heart to the old man and vice versa. They walked away arm in arm.
I love that story because I often am selfish and need to share my heart with others. I also think it shows the true meaning of how we feel when we are loved, as though somones heart is in our own. Sorry I drifted off topic but it was what I wanted to discuss in my long chat. I guess talking to myself helps too (:
That is one thing I do love about us as humans. The ability we have to connect so strongly to another person. It's such a comfort to know that when I am feeling down the people who I share my heart with feel for me and are able to lift me up. I often think of a story I heard about a man with a perfect heart.
He was bragging about how he had the most beautiful heart ever. When an old man just looked at him and statesd that he himself had the perfect heart because it was cut and stitched and had huge craters yet all those scars were bits and peices of all the people whom he's ever served and loved hearts. He explains how where a new peice is stiched in is where someone gave him a peice of their heart in trade for his. The craters are where he gave away his heart but was the gesture was not returned. The young man had tears in his eyes as he reached in and gave a price of his heart to the old man and vice versa. They walked away arm in arm.
I love that story because I often am selfish and need to share my heart with others. I also think it shows the true meaning of how we feel when we are loved, as though somones heart is in our own. Sorry I drifted off topic but it was what I wanted to discuss in my long chat. I guess talking to myself helps too (:
Friday, August 6, 2010
Dance Camp/ Girls Camp
This summer I have been doing plenty of travelling and dancing. Here are a few pictures from just two camps I went to, perhaps the ones I had the most fun at.
Me and a few of my dear freinds, ciara halliday, becca holmes, morgan lamoreaux, and isabelle thayer.
I finally made it up the hill on a hurt knee!
Almost there....
Newbie initiation !
Random.
The four new girls (:
As you can see I have had a wonderful,activity filled summer. Only three weeks left and theyre going to be filled with practice. (:
Me and a few of my dear freinds, ciara halliday, becca holmes, morgan lamoreaux, and isabelle thayer.
I finally made it up the hill on a hurt knee!
Almost there....
Newbie initiation !
Random.
The four new girls (:
As you can see I have had a wonderful,activity filled summer. Only three weeks left and theyre going to be filled with practice. (:
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Heaven or Hell?
Sometimes I feel like I deserve to go to hell. I'll say something or do something that makes me so miserable I feel the only way for me to be punished is to go to hell. I know everyone makes mistakes but some mistakes are harder to quit or even own up to. If you had told me half the things this year has brought I would have been thrilled and so excited to begin embarking these new adventures, but if you had told me the other half, the rotten, sin-seeking half, I would have ran away. I've found myself wishing that I could give up things I love just to be able to save myself from the mistakes and guilty pain that comes from those sins.
I dont understand either how I can be surrounded in a sea of good people and be completely lured in by the power to do good yet I turn around and plunge head first into a complete and utter mess of a life.
In the picture below I feel as though I am living in the middle of these two worlds, when my better half decides to be good I follow but when the devil holds my hand I find myself not wanting to let go.
The lure of both is so strong and I truly do want to make it to Heaven but unless I am sent an angel in disguise I'll continue to camp on the border. For I cant do this alone. Help me..
I dont understand either how I can be surrounded in a sea of good people and be completely lured in by the power to do good yet I turn around and plunge head first into a complete and utter mess of a life.
In the picture below I feel as though I am living in the middle of these two worlds, when my better half decides to be good I follow but when the devil holds my hand I find myself not wanting to let go.
The lure of both is so strong and I truly do want to make it to Heaven but unless I am sent an angel in disguise I'll continue to camp on the border. For I cant do this alone. Help me..